Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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