Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
