I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
