Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
