he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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