Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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