Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
