I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
