sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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