You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
