how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
