just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
