roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
