I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
