i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
why is half of my head shaved?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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