I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
