Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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