We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
