good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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