woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
