the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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