Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
