I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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