dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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