What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
