Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
