My pussy is not your playground.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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