Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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