Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
