i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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