Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
