If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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