im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The ass gains better be worth it
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