how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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