If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
