if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
