we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
