what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
