i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
