she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
