Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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