Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
