I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
