I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
