just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Who did Billy Mays play for?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
