Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You took a bar mat shot.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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