elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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