Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
