remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
