then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
