Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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