First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
